With the apprehension of some of the most notorious criminals in U.S. history; Al Capone, John Gotti, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, George “Machine Gun” Kelly and John Dillinger, just to name a few, the FBI has had an illustrious history for over a hundred years, since its humble origins in 1908.
Then along came Tom Brady and the NFL.
Tom Brady's Stolen Super Bowl jerseys found in possession of international media member
Tom Brady's stolen jersey from this year's Super Bowl has been recovered after being found in the possession of a member of the international media, according to the NFL.
[now imagine me sitting here, trying to digest what I've just read, and finally...]
I guess business is slow?
Honestly, I don't know what else to say. I am consumed with so many questions, I don't know where to begin.
Why is the FBI investigating Tom Brady's stolen jerseys?
Why does anyone even care?
Why was this article even written?
Why am I even reading this?
Since I am at a loss for words right now, why don't we read what Tom Brady, himself, thinks about the matter.
Tom Brady Speaks (via his agent)
"I am happy my jerseys from SB 49 and SB 51 have been recovered, and I want to thank all of the law enforcement agencies involved. I know they worked hard on this case -- and it is very much appreciated. Hopefully when I get the jerseys back I can make something very positive come from this experience."
Well, doesn't that just warm the cockles of your heart? It's stories like this that inspire me to keep on living. I almost couldn't sleep at night, thinking about Tom's poor ol' jerseys, alone in a cold, dark world, unloved and uncared for. I certainly will be sleeping better tonight.
Does anybody else see how ridiculous this story is?
Now I'm not saying that the police shouldn't have been called, or that a report shouldn't have been made, but I'm a little curious how many stolen articles of clothing get the scrutiny of the FBI.
Your tax money well spent.
Authorities went over approximately 20,000 credentials, and eventually settled on Ortega as a person of interest, leading to Monday's announcement.
Let's do a little math, shall we? I'm not sure what is involved when they say "authorities went over", but let's just assume this means reading the name of the credentialed person (a few seconds), maybe typing said name into a database to check for any know criminal activity (two to three minutes), and reviewing any "hits" from the name search, if any came up.
In my conservative estimation, I'm going to say that the said authorities are going to spend five minutes going over these "approximately 20,000 credentials".
5 x 20,000 = 100,000 minutes
Now if there are 60 minutes in an hour, that means there are 1,440 minutes in a day.
100,000/1,440 = 69.4444444
So in my less-than-scientific, conservative estimate, it took 1,656 hours, or roughly 69 days, to go over these approximately 20,000 credentials.
Now of course the FBI doesn't have one agent working on these credentials all alone, that would be ridiculous. We can't know for sure how much man-power and time was spent on this investigation, or how much money it cost the American taxpayers, but let's just take our conservative estimate of time spent checking these press credentials, and the average salary of an FBI agent to see if we can get some idea.
According to PayScale.com, the average annual salary of an FBI again is around $64,077.
So, it costs approximately $175.36/day for one FBI agent. Now if you multiply that times the 69 days, we figured it would take to check these press credentials, it would cost $12,099.84. Roughly.
When I say "conservative estimate" I mean it. What I'm looking at, to come to my $12,000 figure, is just a small slice of the investigative pie.
Because of 9-11, Agencies Finally Learn How to Work Together
"Through the cooperation of the NFL and New England Patriots' security teams, the FBI and other law enforcement authorities, the Super Bowl LI jersey worn last month by MVP Tom Brady has been recovered," the NFL said in its statement. "Also retrieved during the ongoing investigation was the jersey Brady wore in the Patriots' victory in Super Bowl XLIX against the Seattle Seahawks in 2015. (emphasis added)
Seriously, we don't know how many were involved or how much it cost the American Taxpayers to recover these jerseys, but what does it matter? Twelve thousand is less than Brady makes in one morning! It's chump change to him. And what's $12,000 when these jerseys can be valued around $500,000? Nothing! I guess my priorities are all wrong.
The Fix Is In
Professional sports in America: it's all about fair play and the goal of winning championships. At least that's the spin. But could it be a massive showbiz operation filled with greedy owners, crooked referees, and coddled players, all with the unstated goal of grabbing as much money as possible?
Amazon (not an affiliate link, I don't get any money if you buy this book)
I've never been much of a sports fan, but since I've read The Fix Is In, by Brian Tuohy, I have been convinced that professional sports are nothing but a scam. It's stories like this one that convince me even more. So much value and importance are placed on a couple of pieces of clothing that multiple law enforcement agencies will conduct an international investigation to recover them.
Chief Art Acevedo tweeted that he was "proud" of the Houston Police Department's involvement in the investigation.
I know people couldn't care what I think, but I'm not proud, I'm ashamed. Ashamed of the value we place on things that never last.
Shortly after the theft, Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, compared stealing Tom Brady's jerseys to "taking a great Chagall or Picasso."
No, it's not.
Just your average, self-abused futile worker.