I have a confession to make. Back in 1995, I got a virus.
I was running Norton Utilities on my computer, and it kindly warned me that I was infected. Gasp! I didn't even know I had been practicing promiscuous computing, but I could deny it no longer. Norton Utilities was also kind enough to inform me that this program was unable to remove the virus; however, I could simply purchase Norton Anti-Virus, which would indeed remove said virus.
Just your average, self-abused futile worker.